Thursday, July 5, 2012

Cloth Diaper Geek: Facebook = Loose Lips. I wish mommy wars didn't e...

I am sharing this article from Julie of the Cloth Diaper Geek blog about advocating different choices of parenting styles by example rather than judgement. I have sat down at my computer many times to create a post such as this, as I am sure that many other family centered bloggers have, but I could not have said it better than this!

Cloth Diaper Geek: Facebook = Loose Lips. I wish mommy wars didn't e...:

" Oh no!  Another day, another Facebook/Blog post that causes my heart rate to rise.  Am I the only one this happens to?  Am I the only one that is in some way totally unequipped and unable to deal with drama.  I admittedly DO NOT have thick skin.

I tell my husband often about XYZ thing that someone I know posted or something I saw on a page that hurt me, offended me or enraged me.  "Just don't read that shit" he says.  "Don't let it get to you, don't let it make you respond and say something back that will offend someone in return.  You''ll regret it." And I hate to admit he's right, (but it's ok since I know he won't read this).  I have gone too far before, I've responded emotionally and prematurely, without thinking, and I've regretted it.
If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't say it to their Facebook!

My number one complaint and problem is that 99% of people say things on Facebook or on their Blogs that they wouldn't say to someone's face in person.  Why?  Because it's rude.  But Facebook's format somehow dilutes the rudeness, and takes away the blame.  Someone might not see the harm in sharing it to their group of Facebook friends but wouldn't post it directly on certain people's walls because they know it would hurt...But wait, it does still go right onto that persons wall, in their face, in the privacy of their own home and sometimes it does hurt.

Don't get me wrong.  I believe in sharing your opinions and advocating for things you believe in and want to take a stand for, but there's a right and wrong way to go about it.  In my humble opinion.

I wish...If you're against circumcision you'd continually promote the important role of a foreskin and reasons moms should do their research before circumcising.  Continually talking about how horrible it is that people mutilate their baby's genitals and making it seem like you despise people who circumcise just makes you look like an ass and looks like your NUMBER ONE goal is to make people feel guilty if they did.  I also personally feel that if I were undecided, it would make you seem unapproachable.

I wish...More breastfeeding moms would focus on the benefits and encouragement of others to try it instead of pointing out how something must be wrong with you if you chose to use formula or make it seem like "you're not MOM enough" if you don't breastfeed.

I wish...More homeschooling families would just advocate by example and not by just by sharing how much better it is than Public School.  I've got a better chance at wanting to homeschool by seeing examples of people who do and what they do than by seeing them stand on a soap box and act like they're better than people who don't and like their kids are obviously going to be smarter.

I wish...That if you want to share your opinion about parenting, birthing, breastfeeding, diapering, or just a tip about something you do at home that works for you, that you do so without having to compare yourself to others.  Leave what other people do out of your article.

I like to think that there are really good intentions behind all the dramatic posts.  People are passionate about their beliefs, lifestyle choices and parenting styles.  Everyone loves to see the comments of "right on" and "I totally agree" but isn't the reason your sharing because you'd like to teach others, educate them and hopefully convince them to do or try what you're advocating?
Leading and Advocating by Example.

Many great people I have known in my life have turned out to be Christians.  These people have been great witnesses to me by the examples they set.  Their positive attitudes, friendly and giving nature and accepting ways have made a lasting impression on me.  I also know some believers who I feel focus on nothing other than sharing scripture after scripture about accepting Christ or else.  A simple hello turns into a pressure filled conversation about coming to their church, as if they might get brownie points if I show up.

I can tell you that if I were going to look for a church to attend I would 100% feel more comfortable reaching out to or asking questions of the gentle natured, friendly, accepting, seemingly non-judgmental Christian than the one who through their caring seem to not be caring about me at all.

This is the way it should be with all causes, great or small.  A gentle approach will yield more results than a clenched fist.

So I've got my "vent" on.  It feels good. I've felt this post brewing for quite some time and have finally been able to write it down.

Ultimately, we should treat others the way we want to be treated and remeber that in this day and age, Facebook quite literally is someone's FACE-BOOK.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Julie "

Thank you Julie for such a well written post, I hope that many of you reading this post will think twice and will consider these words rather than pass judgement on other parents. As a breastfeeder, baby wearing, cloth diapering, and soon-to-be homeschooling mom, I am happy about my parenting choices and would support those who are doing or want to do the same. However, I truly believe, that as parents we have the right to raise our children with the values and beliefs that we see fit and I would not shame or force others in believing that my choices are better or need to be followed.

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